Heartbroken

>> Saturday, April 4, 2009


My grandmother has decided to go back to her house and stay there. There is nothing I can do. We went today to see her. I had been very concerned about her all week. She just sounded awful on the phone but she is so strong and independent. Today was a real scare. She has lost so much weight in such a short time, she can't be more than 100lbs now. The later part of this week she was at home all by herself. Which is my biggest worry right now. Today I wouldn't leave till someone came to be with her. My grandmothers niece, my second cousin, came to stay the night with her. My aunt is going to go tomorrow and stay with her for a while. She demands to stay home. Which I don't really blame her. Who wouldn't want to just stay home in there last days. Especially at the beautiful ocean. But she would be so much closer to most all of her family up here. I just worry about her there all by herself. I am going to do everything in my power to beg all family to just take turns and we can make sure someone is there at all times. I just can't bear the thought of her by herself anymore. Not after what I saw today. This fucking cancer is progressing so quickly now(sorry for the language). It's not the death that I am hurting from. It's what she is going through until then. So much pain, complications and just the stress.

Yesterday my 3 year old asked me if mema(his name for my grandma) is dying? I didn't know what to say. I avoided the question for now. He must have overheard me at some point. Now I am definitely watching what I say around the kids. Not that I haven't been, but now I am being really really careful. Now I am trying to think of how to explain this all to him especially but really both of my kids. How do you explain death and cancer to a 3(4 next month) and 2 year old. My children are extremely intelligent. They are quite close with her and they get that she is sick. Soon I am afraid I am going to have to explain the death part. I am lost at what to say. We are a christian home and believe in heaven but I have never explained any of that to my children. How do you go about explaining death to preschoolers?

1 comments:

Double Dipped Sweets April 5, 2009 at 8:06 PM  

Oh, Meg! This is such a hard time for you. I pray for your grandma, and for your family. My kids- 6,4,and 3 all know what death is. From TV sadly. If you are Christian, and believe in Heaven, then it really won't be that terrible. Your positive attitude about where grandma is going will rub off on the kids. My advice would be to tell them that she is sick, and prepare them for when she is gone. That way it won't be such a big shock. They are young. They probably won't understand completely, but they will be okay. So will you. Hang in there, and keep praying. You will get to see your grandma again someday.

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Meg's Creations is SAHM/WAHM business, layering up lots of love into delicious, ready-made-mixes. From cookies & brownies, to soups & dips, pancake & muffin mixes, with over 125 mixes in all. My home is 100% smoke and pet free, and I do all my baking in a commercial kitchen that is licensed by the state of Washington. All mixes are freshly made to order, and are available in reusable, decorative mason jars, zip-lock bags, or our new recyclable, eco-friendly cloth bags!

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